My daughter turns 27 today and because she was conceived and raised by a couple of nutjobs, she has a tendency toward overly critical self-reflection, especially on this, the day of her birth. Some years, she uses June 13th — what should be a joyous day of celebrating the planet’s good fortune at having her as a resident for another trip around the sun — as some sort of scorekeeping device. Her birthday can become a way of tracking all the things she should have done by this age, ought to do in the future or is supposed to do according to some arbitrary societal timeline we are all measuring our lives against.

I thought for her birthday it might be nice to replace all the To Do’s in her brain with To Be’s — the things that are vital for her to become and to experience in her lifetime. Some can be accomplished daily, some are rare or even once-in-a-lifetime achievements, but they’re all essential to a life well lived. Happy 27th Kid, and many more.

Love, Mom

Alijah’s ‘To Be’ List

• Be peaceful

• Be creative

• Be powerful

• Be fun and funny

• Be ready

• Be kind

• Be a friend

• Be steady and steadfast

• Be an artist

• Be a writer

• Be feral

• Be THAT motherfucker

• Be curious

• Be clever

• Be social

• Be anti-social

• Be a good mom to pets or children or strangers who need a mom

• Be strong

• Be healthy

• Be Love and Light with just a smidge of Fuck Off when necessary

• Be endlessly curious

• Be prolific with your talents

• Be alive

• Be real

• Be vulnerable

• Be proud

• Be a giver

• Be aware

• Be open

• Be safe

• Be adventurous

• Be a pain in the ass to someone who has earned it

• Be a beacon of hope for someone who has earned it

• Be giving of your heart with someone who has earned it

• Be wise

• Be forgiving, particularly of yourself

• Be furiously wholesome in the face of cynicism

• Be a bitch, be a ho

• Be a mensch

• Be a forest witch

• Be childlike and gaze at the world in wonder

• be your own fashion icon

• Be a crone who swears off fashion

• Be a legend

• Be motivated

• Be lazy

• Be faithful

• Be celebratory

• Be reserved

• Be relaxed

• Be a force of nature

• Be a wild woman

• Be the driver

• Be a genius

• Be an idiot and make the same ludicrous mistakes over and over until you learn the lesson properly

• Be a guide

• Be guided

• Be willing to be resistant

• Be brave

• Be fearless

• Be afraid and do it anyway

• Be bold

• Be soft

• Be the loudest person in the room

• Be humble

• Be a listener

• Be empathetic

• Be a seeker

• Be the bigger person

• Be petty and savor it for a moment before self-correcting

• Be serious and obsessive about something no one else seems to care about

• Be flippant when others around you are getting too serious

• Be immortal

• Be still

• Be a mystery

• Be unfathomable and illogical

• Be gregarious

• Be silent

• Be unfuckwithable

• Be cantankerous

• Be respectful

• Be respected

• Be a cautionary tale

• Be an inspiration

• Be proof of concept for an intelligent, caring human race

• Be literate

• Be alive

• Be a badass

• Be insightful

• Be honest

• Be sexy

• Be notorious

• Be memorable

• Be a fuckabout

• Be the poster child for over sharing

• Be an insatiable learner

• Be a dancer

• Be a drummer

• BE.

CROWDSOURCING: Please add any vital To Be’s that I have overlooked!

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